At a Loss For Words?

This whole dumb cancer thing started in August and kind of snowballed from there. At first, the medical line was "It's just a small lump; we'll do a lumpectomy and that's it." Then it was "Uhh....it's in a couple of different places, let's just wack the whole boob." And in between, no one was ever quite sure if chemo, radiation or both may have been in the future, as that depended on some serious microscope work on the half-rack on a slab in a lab...

 

With that scenario unfolding, I was hesitant to spread any news, as it just seemed to be getting worse with each medical interaction. It's hard enough to start a conversation with "I have cancer;" it's even worse to imagine re-starting that conversation over and over again with each bit of newfound horribleness.

 

So I chose to wait until I knew the whole story, and even then, the sheer numbers of people you want to include are exhausting in and of themselves. The miracle of the internet, Facebook and this blog, have allowed me to tell the story as I have deemed appropriate. Not all the info at once, not to everyone, and with sparing me endless repetition and the potential for teary refrains.

 

And so, in response, many of you have emailed, or sent a card, or better still, sent flowers and chocolate and wine....and it was all graciously welcomed. But some did not. Not a word. Even some of those whom I've always thought were rather close, chose not to communicate. And that's OK...like I said, when my opening line to you is "I have cancer..." an appropriate comeback is a tough thing to muster.

 

I have found a certain strange mirth in those who sent "Get Well" cards: when you don't know that someone will get well, is that politically correct? And what's with the coloring- books, huh? Was that for the potential chemo-hours ahead to get my potential chemo-brain off the potential of chemo-belly? (Just as well, I've never been able to color within the lines anyway.) All well-intentioned, I know...but "I have cancer" and can make these sweeping judgments. 

 

My story is progressing nicely...I'm doing phenomenally-well and will be better than new by the end of March. But, please, keep the emails, and cards, and certainly gifts of all kinds, coming. Because you know, "I have cancer."

 

PS: My husband says I'm not allowed to use that excuse any longer as the surgery "cured" me and chemo is not required. Shit. Would you believe "I miss you?"

 

Love to all.